DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish.............................................49
Adventurous.................Slept with all your mates
Athletic......................................No t*ts
Average looking...............Has a face like an a*se
Beautiful...........................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure......................On medication
Feminist.........................................Fat
Free spirit....................................Junkie
Friendship first..........................Former sl*t
Fun..........................................Annoying
Gentle..........................................Dull
New-Age............................Body hair problems
Open-minded.................................Desperate
Outgoing........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate..............................Sloppy drunk
Poet.......................................Depressive
Professional....................................B*tch
Romantic.......................................Frigid
Voluptuous...................................Very Fat
Large lady.................................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate...............................Stalker
Widow.........................................Murderer

WOMEN'S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = I need to complain
7. Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
11. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
12. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
13. You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
14. Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive
15. It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
16. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
17. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
18. How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like



MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question
8. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
12. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have sex with you
13. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you within the next 3 mins.
14. Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and then I'd like to have sex with you.
15. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay