2 Iraqis relocate to America, and at the airport decide they're going to go their seperate ways. They agree to meet again up in a year and see who'd become most American.

So, 1 year goes by and they meet up again and the first Iraqi starts talking in this strong Texan accent: "Hey there, neighbour. I've just come back from picking up the kids from kindergarten in my 4x4 and later we will have a barbeque and I will drink some budweisers. Beat that!"

The second Iraqi looks at the man with disgust and says: "**** you, raghead!"

Two little Sea prawns called shaun and christian are happily swimming about, when shaun exclaimes.

"Ya know, im fed up with being a prawn!,I wish i was something else,Like a shark!"

In a big flash,the ALMIGHTY COD appears, "SO you wish to be a shark?",,"Oh yes",replies Shaun. Within a flash he's transformed into a shark.

Life was going fine for shaun, until he realised, he no longer had any friends because everyone was afraid they might get eaten by him.

"Im so fed up with being a shark, i wish i was back to my old normal self" says shaun

Again in a flash the Almighty COD appears, and transforms shaun back.

Shaun decides to visit his old and best friend christian, as hes knocks on the door,hes shouts, "its me let me in, i know your there,",," No your a shark, and soon as i open the door, your gonna eat me!" Replies His friend

"No im not a shark anymore, honestly", SHOUTS SHAUN

"I dont believe you,leave me alone!"Replies his scared friend

"HONESTLY, IM A PRAWN AGAIN CHRISTIAN"

lol. Fantastic - I'm glad I didn't think about it whilst reading - classic!

This will only work depending on you accent!

Try saying "BEER CAN" ,,WITHOUT sounding like some1 from Jamaica saying" BACON"

or Newcastle.

Or merely some scrote that cannot speak English.

hehe yeah only australians can say BEERCAN cos they just say Tinni

---

Quote: Maz
hehe yeah only australians can say BEERCAN cos they just say Tinni

---

Wha?

I got a new Car stereo the other day, it comes equipped with'VOICE RECOGNITION!'.

So if i shout "Rock", it searches, and play rock music, If i shout 'SOUL' it searches for soul music, same with country music etc,etc.

Only problem is, i had some children run out in front of my car the other day,

I shouted "FUC*NG KIDS", Then Michael Jacksons 'THRILLER' came on :S

Have you heard the one about the magic Tractor?

It went down a road, and turned into a field.

Stevie Wonder is playing a gig in China.As he finishes up,the crowd goes wild, and a young man at the front screams out "You! Stevie,You play a jazz chord!"

Stevie invites the man on stage,plays an 'F' minor on his keyboard, and goes off on a jazz rift.When he finishes,the man doesn't look happy.
"No Stevie, You play Jazz chord!"

Happy to play along, Stevie goes for an 'A'. Three minutes of incredible improvisation follow,but the man is still not satisfied."No Stevie,a jazz chord, a jazz chord!"

SILENCE falls and stevie pics up his Mic: "Ive pld 2 chords,what more do you want?"

"BEST SONG,Screams the man.

"OKAY!" Shouts stevie,he hands the man the Mic,"Tell me, how does it go?"

The young man clears his throat, then pipes up:" A JAZZ CHORD,TO SAY, I LOVE YOU..."

Why does M. jackson like 28 year olds? .........because theres 20 of them...

Quote: Morkith
Have you heard the one about the magic Tractor?

It went down a road, and turned into a field.

I used to know a guy who wanted to be a farmer, just so he could be out-standing in his field.

oops

Quote: WUD
I got a new Car stereo the other day, it comes equipped with'VOICE RECOGNITION!'.

So if i shout "Rock", it searches, and play rock music, If i shout 'SOUL' it searches for soul music, same with country music etc,etc.

Only problem is, i had some children run out in front of my car the other day,

I shouted "FUC*NG KIDS", Then Michael Jacksons 'THRILLER' came on :S

thats bad

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?



?



Pregnant.

Paddy and Brian finally saved up enough money to get out of Ireland and travel to America for a holiday.
They arrive at the airport, get their tickets and board the big, four engine plane. Obviously both are extremely excited!

After what seems like an eternity, the plane finally takes off on the great flight to America!
Paddy and Brian settle into the in-flight entertainment and cheeky flirting with the flight attendants, when suddenly the pilot's voice filters from the speakers:

"I would just like to inform you all that we have lost power to engine number 4. It's not a safety problem, it just means we will take an extra hour to get to our destination. Thankyou."

Paddy and Brian exchange a nervous glance, and go back to the in-flight movie...

Half an our passes, when the pilot interupts the movie a second time:

"Excuse me ladies and gentlemen. It's no reason for concern, but engine number 1 has indeed just dropped out.. We are still perfectly safe, but are running on two engines, so it looks as though we will be 3 hours late getting to our destination.. Thankyou.."

The Irishmen share a concerned glance, and again go back to the movie.

Another hour passes, when once more the pilot interupts the in-flight entertainment:

"Erm.. Ladies and gentlemen. I wish to advise you that engine number 2 has indeed dropped out. We are doing our best to rectify the situation but it looks as though we could be an extra 8 hours before landing..."

Brian turns to Paddy with a look of real concern on his face..

"Geez Paddy, I sure hope the last engine doesn't drop out, or we'll be stuck up here all night!"

*rimshot!*

Aren't you just so glad you took the time to read that hahaha.
I have some shockers, but as not to offend anyone, I will refrain *grins*

And yes Maz, some people refer to a can of beer as a 'tinny' in Australia.
"Grab me a tinny from the fridge will ya Bill?"
*shrug*
Australia does indeed have its own version of English. Just like the Yanks.
I mean, z instead of s. Pleeeeease...